« Previous post
Next post »
 
23 Feb

Still Seeing Sex Everywhere…

Category: Booze · Hey Ladies · Keeping it rural, Published by Puffy4President 1

photo.jpg

 It’s been proven that 90% of statistics (including this one) are pre-fab ‘facts’ used to prop up a tenous argument. About as useful as the vinegar and brown paper that Jill used to patch up Jack’s crown. One of my favourites is the old chestnut that men think about sex every 7 seconds. How helpful. Is this one milli-second thought every 7 seconds or does a 5 minute reverie count as one thought or 300? If I’m awake for 16 hours a day then I should be having over 8,200 thoughts about sex everyday. Am I some kind of under-sexed freak if I only have 5 a day? How did they measure this? And if they’re so certain of this statistic then why don’t we know how often women think about sex?


Last year I mentioned that I was feeling persecuted by sex-demons littering my life with their imagery and twisted desires. Well they’re back. At the local car wash…

dsc_8256.jpg

Even invading my neighbour’s mailbox….
It was all getting a bit much this week. Even Radio One was starting to offend me. This morning I heard something by Sean John or Jay Sean or someone which included the chorus ‘Who wants to freak me? I want to freak you, let’s freak and tomorrow I’ll take you to Chanel to buy clothes’…I haven’t got the wording 100% correct, mine might be slightly catchier than the original but you get the gist.
So I ran away to the countryside to get away from it all, to clean the soul and escape the sex demons.
And then I stepped into my local pub…perfect - log fires, darts, pork scratchings and wet dogs….nothing to get excited about. Free at last. And then the bar maid took down the specials board, walked over to the table in front of me and did this. 

dsc_9857.jpg

I couldn’t believe my eyes at first but after she’d finished chalking up the starters I was pretty sure it wasn’t a mirage.  Speechless. Worst of all I’d just ordered a pint of cider so there was no way I could leave. This continued for a good 20 minutes until a local farmer came in, lifted up what little there was left of skirt, slapped her cheeks and told her off for coming into work over-dressed.

« Previous post
Next post »
 

1 Comment

  1. Mutton February 23rd at 4:28 pm

    *Adopts Al Pacino voice* SHE’S GOT A….. GREAT ASS!!

Write a Comment

Categories

 
Shopping Cart
Your shopping cart is empty.Visit the shop
 

Second Son © Copyright 2010 Will Kemp and Rufus Exton